On my way to work this morning, driving our truck (since my car is in the shop), I had a radio for the first time in a year or so. Uncle Kracker's song, In A Little While was playing on some station or other and brought back to mind images from the music video that I had seen on VH1 a number of years ago. As I thought of those scenes, his girlfriend urging him forward to sing at a karaoke bar, then being approached by an agent, finding "success," and leaving his faithful, loving girlfriend behind in the process, I could feel what Kid Rock probably intended: pain and sadness — sympathy for the girl, and a sense of loss for anyone who would leave behind something so precious.
Similar memories exist for relationships of which I've been a part. Relationships where I've given a lot to a girl, emotionally, monetarily, sometimes even physically, only to be rejected or forgotten in the end.
Then, my mind drifted, as it so often does, to my days in college some seven years ago. Sitting in one of their auditoriums, watching a beautifully produced play on the life on Hosea. My heart ached even more in the present than it did when I was watching the play, because I know women now, women who meant a lot to me, who have turned to a life of sensuality in their search for love and fulfillment. I just want to shout out to them that there is a better way, a way to happiness and true fulfillment.
Is that laughter I hear? My own heart mocks me, as these thoughts roll through my mind. Have I forgotten the symbolism, the true message, in the story of Hosea? How must God's heart ache when I seek sensual pleasure in my life and neglect the attention to Him and His goals, pursuits that will bring real contentment, and happiness to my own life?
The pain I feel is so finite and human. My loss has been but small. A little time, a little tears, a little money, some love. God gave so much more, and knows me so much better. I think that I know better than some of the girls what is best for them. And yet I don't have confidence that just maybe God might know what is best for me?
Oh, I do, I have the confidence, I have the faith. I do believe. But why doesn't it show?
Posted by Walt at December 1, 2004 01:46 PM | TrackBack